Note from me: To kick off the 30 Days of Sharing Creativity, I’m going to share the beginning of a story that I started years ago — 2006 I believe. I have already added a couple of its chapters but never the beginning. This means, you will all be the first to ever read these words.
Well, here you go. Enjoy. And Reed. (And excuse the grammatical or spelling errors. I don’t want to edit until I’m ready, so this is raw, raw, raw, as in, the first time I wrote this…here it is.)
Boss leaned the lower half of her body against the metal toolbox, its corner resting beside her hip. The worn jeans she had on were branding a rip across the back of her right thigh, so the cold of the metal was frosting her skin at that one point in her lean. Even more interesting than the chilly point of her skin was the tattoo which framed itself above the rip. It simply said Please. As if the permanency of that word in her skin always would be asking permission for all actions in her life. As if the need to ask for permission was removed from the equation, and she could just live without the necessity of requesting.
Wispy tails flowed off the P, swirling in different directions. Some branches long enough to wrap around her thigh on both East and West sides. They were almost symbols for the tattoo’s already punctuated meaning as if hands reaching in all directions.
Traveling up Boss’ body, past her torn jeans, over her curved torso–which was covered in a tight, black tank top with outlines of stars covering the majority of it–rounding around her shoulders to double back down her arms and then finally to a stop at her hands. Her normally ringed fingers were bare. Small, barely visible tan lines were under four of her ten knuckles. Sapphires and diamonds glitter happily while stainless steel sits coolly stretched across those special fingers every day from when she wakes and dresses her fingers to when she sleeps and disrobes them.
Her hands were another matter entirely. They with their own personalities. Own wants. Own needs…but they are another topic for another time.
This moment her hands were bare because of what they were holding–a pink, long-stemmed pipe. Her and her hands’ favorite. On one end, a smooth chamber that traveled almost a foot to where its’ other would rest on a pair of lips, her lips. A moment ago its bowl empty with no purpose but now fulfilled and ready to satisfy.
A voice cracked inside of Boss’ head. Almost as if stretching her voice from not talking for an extended period of time.
“You know you don’t want to do that.”
Boss paused for a moment and with her multicolored lighter half an inch above the bowl that was packed and ready for smoking. “Why don’t I want to do this?” Boss asked the voice with an almost impatience tone to her voice.
From within her head she answered again, “Because you know what it does.”
This time Boss didn’t hide the sound in her voice as she took and deep breath and sighed at the voice who was already impeding on her plan, “Look, we have been over this. I need to do this. I need to know every step of the way that has brought me here. This will help me reach those memories that I may have forgotten. So, please stop continuing to fight against it. I am doing this.”
The voice opened her mouth, but considered how to form her words first. Boss waited, knowing she would have more to say.
Finally the silence between them ended as she said, “I realize that I can’t stop you or, apparently, talk you out of it, but I want it noted that I have a formal protest against this. You don’t need to live through pain in your time again to learn and understand your future,” the voice paused. “You know what she”ll say.”
“Yes, I know what she’ll say, but it’s the only way. How am I to know where it is that I am going when I feel as though the years have hidden parts of where I have been? I want to be complete. I want to understand. And to do that, my past needs to be my present so I can figure out my future. Do you understand that?” Boss’ hands had already lowered the long-stemmed pipe, keeping the lighter in her right hand.
Her hands were tingling thinking and anticipating Boss’ next move. Boss’ lips were waiting to feel the cold and smooth of the glass, to feel the smoke glide back out and over them as each breath was slow and soft. But both hands and lips had to wait as Boss waited for the next response from her.
“I do,” was all she said. It took a moment for Boss to realize that she wasn’t planning on saying anything else. The voice in her head stayed quiet, for once.
After a few more moments passed, Boss threw her hands up in a gesture of confusion, without disturbing the pipe or lighter, and asked, “So that’s it? ‘I do’. You aren’t going to give me anymore trouble or tell me I’m wrong or if got my like you do on a constant basis? I feel like more is coming, but you wouldn’t dare start after I began this. You know what that would do. My calm needs to be, well, as calm as possible. So are you really going to be finished now and let me do this without any more protests,” Boss shifted the pipe and lighter to add semi-hand quotes around her last word for emphasis.
In almost a mocking tone she responded, saying, “Yes, I am really going to be finished now and let you do this without anymore…protests.” She added an extended sound on the last word without the sarcastic luxury of hands to emphasize.
Boss raised and eyebrow but knew that she would really leave he be about it now. No one else was arguing or giving her trouble, but then again, Secant has been with her the longest. She was the first to come into Boss’ life when she needed her… Well, the Screamer was, but she never helped. Screamer was only a hinder, who never had anything to say but what an idiot Boss was. It’s a wonder she’s even still around after all this time, but at least Screamer was quiet more often than not. Only extreme heightened points of negative emotions brought her around.
And today was not that frame of mind. Today Boss needed answers about her past, and this is the best way she knows how to get all the answers. The best way to calm her nerves, to let her mind float free, to allow pieces the deeper pieces of her mind to be a bit more shallow for better accessing.
Boss felt the voice retreat as she thought to herself, speaking out loud as she did, “the only way for human beings to learn about themselves is feel pain. I willingly relive this pain in my life to help understand what is my purpose. Why I am the way that I am. And maybe, just maybe, I can feel through myself again. Don’t tell Secant or the others, but I want to feel on my own. I don’t want their help. I want to be whole. I want to feel through myself. Just myself. And I hope this will help.”
With her final words, Boss raised the pip to her mouth, resting the glass on her lips. Her lips that would have sighed given the ability. The fingers on her left hand circled the chamber and curled in their regular positions as her right hand raised to rest just above her pipe, thumb on the lighter wheel.
“Are you sure?” Secant asked.
Boss flicked the lighter, flame lite the ingredient of her calm, and she inhaled slowly and deliberately. Her lungs filled more empty space as she breathed in deeper and deeper. The familiar burn down her throat, spread to her chest. The tickle began as she could fill no more, and she tilted her head back and parted her lips. The smoke rolled off her lips in small wisps as cloud of smoke formed before her.
She did not cough. She did not clench. Instead she stood with her eyes trained on the cloud. Swirls of smoke danced as the base of Boss’ head got heavy. She closed her eyes. The heavy began to spread through the path through the middle of her head, traveling to her forehead. As the heavy started spreading like a blanket falling over both edges of her head, making its way to the sides of her ears, Boss’ right hand dropped the lighter without thought and reached up to her face. There it caressed her temple with the back of her knuckles, drawing her hand down her cheek and across her lips. Gently caressing her mouth with her fingertips.
“I knew you missed me.”